Gone perfectly wrong!

We are all in the search of perfection. The perfect job, the perfect partner, roommate, car, bike and in short, life. There are although, very tricky forces on the playing field. And they are all overweight. And hence the phrase 'level grounds' go right down the commode. Okay, let me stop crying in the first place, about how unfair things are, or can be.

It was a perfect day until it began. As usual, by the time anything began, it was 5 in the evening. So thumbs up to that. There are days when you think that things are all fine, and then PLONK!! Gone! POOF!

So it all starts with running around. Let me talk like an Englishman for a change by talking about the weather. It wasn't the brightest. I mean, It wasn't as bright as it was 15 minutes ago. Cloudy and stuff. So you see, the weather screwed the things up!!

But my partner and I went running anyways. Nature's elements! I tell you!

Now, who the HELL is whistling the 'Godfather' tune in the corridor!!???? Bloody hell!! No! It's "Balloday 'ell"... We are trying to be British. Forgot?

Okay, so the weather was screwed up, I mistakenly thought that I was in a mood for a run, and so many other things. Oh! Almost forgot! My partner was on a roll. I mean, his speed and stuff was propelling him a lot forward than  mine was propelling me! Brilliant. There is ONE more thing. Okay, this is a bit of a 'private emotion problem' kind of a thing. More than emotion, it's more like 'private Motion problem' kind of a thing, you see. Hope that was suggestive enough. I mean, you didn't really expect me to say that I was having 'Down-loading' issues, now, did you? Wow! Man, I should get into Stand-up comedy!! You see, I like standing. I just don't like being left standing.. Any ways, bad jokes aside, let's come back to the RUN.

So today, in the very beginning, my partner was like "Let's take it easy today." See?? See?? It's like the whole world was conspiring against me from the very beginning!! Hell to you! And before that? A crow downloaded... Now THAT is the only time in my life where I didn't have to wait for a download. Did I mention that I was under the crow? Ah!! Now you see.... I mean, Don't you?

Yeah, enough digression. So running running, strangely, I didn't feel like it any more. Hmm... That's what I call 'magical realization'! And then it was like tumbling Domino's. Now herein lies the problem. The domino's didn't take more than 30 minutes to fall. At least if they had, things would have been a lot more 'free'. So there comes an incline! Yessss!!! I love inclines... Specially the 'going-up'/climbing ones. Things that move in all their glory down-hill or on flat grounds, they wither away at the sight of an upward slope. Good for me... Thankfully, this climb was the only time in the entire day where I felt like a warrior(a.k.a myself). Ooooooh!! I so love to put myself on a pedestal! So I was playing 'Catching up'. I caught up to an extent. And then the slope got over... Hmmm.... I don't know why though, I couldn't push  myself today as I usually can. So End of the slope. I was like... "What the hell!". The end was close. I could see my buddy right up ahead, and then for some inexplicable reason, I stopped 50 meters before finish line. Now here's the funny part.

She appeared. Exactly when I felt things could go wrong no more. If you have seen the movie Inception, you remember Leonardo's wife turning up at exactly the perfectly wrong time. Now my 'She' just happened to have done that today.I usually light up at her sight. But not today!!! Helll!!!!!!!

I am just happy that she smiled. Although now, I feel that I should have gone into overdrive mode on the slope, beaten my partner on our race to the finish line, crossed the imaginary red ribbon first and gone and given her a hug, maybe a peck on her cheek(Okay, maybe not that..I mean you can only ask so much, you see...although you never know.) and shouted, "Yo! Adrian! We did it!!".

Alas...

You see, It happens. Shit happens!

Things..As usual

You know what? Uncertainty is a good thing. Yeah, I know you don't know this. And then, there's is something that comes into play by itself without anyone's permission. Imagination. It is like an uninvited guest in any event, the event preferably being a marriage. Don't ask 'Why only a marriage?'. I don't know. It's probably because an uninvited guest in a marriage sounds inherently extra cheap. Forget the guest... We were on 'imagination'.

So, something is going to happen. It may be inside you, around you...or maybe in any and every place that my head doesn't want to be seen imagining. And the good thing is that you want it to happen. But, between all things that have happened and all that haven't, there are too many butts. Okay, no comprehensive descriptions of the derrieres that may have come by, by the way.

Confusing so far? The writer will also feel that way, if he happens to have the mind to read the above paragraphs.

Let's take an example of an event that has no relation to the paragraphs above. It wouldn't help understand the situation above...or who knows? It just might. You see, sometimes, even a wrong train takes you in the right direction. I most definitely have no clue how that works, but I shall get back to that, the next time the moon turns blue. (Dear Moon, please hold your breath long enough, like they do in Tom & Jerry).

Example:

There's this selection going to happen for the Music club of your college.

Most of the fellows(The MEMBERS) in the club happen to  be close friends.

You intend to be one among them.

So you do all the acrobatics with the guitar, your larynx, pharynx and all the stuff, stuffed in your neck,

And all the world conspires to materialize your dream by cutting down on the number of people giving the auditions.

You go to the auditions, realizing that for the first time, the universe has conspired and all that 'filmy stuff'....

All the adrenaline of the planet has somehow entered your blood stream.

Your heart is pounding like a freaked out war-horse.

Some people keep going in and out of the auditioning room.

You look around, surprisingly calm on the surface.

The ticker is still pounding inside, turning the contents of your thoracic cavity(the CHEST!) into pulp.

Then, some more people go in and out. And then some more,....ANNND some more go in and out.

You're like okay, my number could be up anytime... Anytime now...in a few moments.

Then there's this arse who looks at you, calls you, and when you go to him, he says "Who called you? I was calling the guy behind you!"

And you're like...."SHIT!!"'

Such situations are kind-of embarrassing. I mean, the 'You-going-when-the-guy-behind-you-is-being-called-and-hence-making-an-ass-out-of-yourself'' type situation. Fine, today, there's this new found patience you find within all that...err...flesh(I'd like to show modesty by not using the word muscle...it kind of spoils the whole scene...)

So you wait.

And when the last 2 people(including yourself, of course) are left, you get called. Surprisingly, you aren't one bit pissed(How?? HUH??).

You go inside, do few things right, a bit of your acrobatics goes awry....I mean most of it goes awry.. You manage to pull off something decently in the name of saving your face, scarring it anyways. So now, you're Scarface! Thumb up! But somehow, Al Pacino dying in the movie Scarface(Like in all his movies) sort-of makes you feel miserable. Eh!! Screw it! Who gives?

Sometime later, you come back to your room, write a lot about what just happened, about how some mysterious forces kept your near and dear ones(most of them) from seeing you in times of peril, somehow, hoping to get a call for round 2. You see, hope's a bitch! But it stays by your side no matter what.

So now, I sit and think...."Since I haven't mentioned anything controversial, anything about chicks or anything controversial about chicks, no one's going to read up to this line anyways. So let me not publish it in the first place!"

I go back to some video I was watching... This guy is showing some new method to tie shoelaces correctly. Considering that tying my shoelace is a life-skill I thought I had nailed(probably the only life-skill), this 51 year old just  came and destroyed my considerations!

Oh! Hell!! It seems I just got a call for round 2!! Yaaaaayyyyyy!!!

I am supposed to be jumping around right now.... Chuck it!!! Let's just end this one right here..

"It's over!"

Inside stuff

I mean, there's a lot of things going on. I am sitting near the window once, staring out at things, never knowing what I am looking at, or looking for. I am just looking. Then I look down. Very weird feeling.. shaky feeling. It's like you are thinking of jumping off, but you are afraid of slipping. Then you think that if anyone gets to read your head, he/she will surely think of you as a psycho with suicidal tendencies, where as in reality, you are hoping that no one thinks that way about you, as you have no plans to jump off in the first place. 

While at the window, I hear this guy. He sounds exactly like someone you know....Knew, actually. He's chanting in a procession. He's leading this bunch of fellows to the beach. The whole thing, all procession and stuff is being carried out to bid farewell to a god. They are going to drown him. The god. Yeah. Sounds funny. They are all happy. 10 days of devotion. The moment 10 days are over, drown the god. Keeping him is becoming an expensive affair. अतिथि  देवो भवः (Atithi Devo Bhava).The way the words go,  a guest is like god. But beyond a point, अतिथि, तुम कब जाओगे ?(Atithi, tum kab jaaogey?), When will you take our leave. oh dear guest?! Frankly, despite the risk  of making a grammatical error, देवः अतिथि भवः (Deva atithi bhava) (God, you're a guest)sounds  appropriate, more likely.  

So this procession I am sitting and looking at from my perch. I have gone to one myself. It feels strange. After staying with the idol for a complete night, there is this weird bond you form with the idol. It won't let you sleep. So the next evening, when you are going to drown the idol, you don't know how to feel. You feel like crying, but thankfully that feeling remains like a heavy rock inside. It stays there for a while. You can't cry. Why would you? Why would anyone? Specially someone, who takes pride in calling himself a rational being? Humans are supposed to be rational beings. And sometimes, we cry. In our own privacy. Sometimes in public. When no one's looking. 

Then you hear this voice. You know the voice. Very distinct. But it is not possible. For it belongs to someone you knew. It rings inside your head for some reason. You saw him go, Your heart quickens. It starts to throb. You look at the clock. It's 1:30 in the morning. It must be a horror movie. 

About a year has passed since you spent the night staying up, next to the idol. Next evening, you are a part of the procession heading off to a river to bid the idol good-bye. The guy heading the procession is chanting something, He says to the god, "Come back next year, ASAP.". The idol's face has a permanent smirk on it. It must be laughing. Laughing at what people do, year after year. 

The guy still chants along. The procession reaches the river.  I watch them drown the idol. I feel weird inside. Almost asking myself, why go through all this trouble to serve someone, when at sunset, you'd personally drown him.her? The question bounces off naked walls. It is supposed to be redundant, I guess. So much for tradition...

All chanting and all the paraphernalia that goes along with it is over. I still feel funny inside. Can't tell anyone. It happens often. You want to tell something. You don't know what it is. And you don't know whom to tell. It's like, the thoughts are there. They won't take shape in any understandable form.

Suddenly, fast-forward one year into the future. You find yourself next to the same old window you started at. That familiar voice is still chanting. But you know, what? That is not possible. The guy who chanted a year ago, is no more. He drowned someplace 1200 km away from where I am sitting now. No, it's not Karma or any such fancy term, used by fanatics to convince themselves of the balancing forces at play in the universe. It just happened. Somehow, this guy's memory kind of haunts me. Not in the top-ten list of people under any category of my considerations, but the guy chanting outside my window surely sounds like him. The same pump to the voice, the same accent. I can't get a visual on the guy. But somewhere in my head, this guy, the one long gone, is jumping around our procession, jumping and bouncing, chanting out loud. Looking forward to the next time he gets to do what he's doing now. So he chants fervently, 

गणपति बाप्पा, मोरया !! मंगल मूर्ति , मोरया !! 

गणपति बाप्पा, मोरया !!पुढच्या वर्षी लौकरया !!

His chants echo. Thankfully,  the echo is out there, down somewhere, not just inside my head.

The 'once'

A question that pops up quite often, either from others, or sometimes from that nagging sound inside the head is 'If you had to change something from the past, what would it be?'. Usually, my chest swells up with happiness! I thankfully have been blessed with a lack of memory that could remind me of anything that I would regret/like to change. Maybe, that is a good thing. Maybe, more often than not, it means that I haven't done enough. And also, maybe, it means nothing, although I surely have no idea what that means.

But there is this one memory, very vivid, just like it happened yesterday. This one haunts me pretty often. If what was shown in this movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', wherein you could remove selected parts of your memory, this memory would be that 'one part' I'd like to get rid of. FOR GOOD!

This was about 9 years ago. I was in class 7. I was err.. a bit rolly-polly, ... not exactly Tom Cruise-like awesome or something, and not a very big hit among the ladies(or whatever you call them when they are 12..). So 9 years hence.................not much has changed, except the rolly-polly part. Still no Tom Cruise in the mirror, I don't look at 12 year old ladies or whatever you call them when they are 12, because that makes me feel like a... Never mind. As for ladies of my age though, status quo is maintained.  Even the sky looks almost the same distance it did when I was 12.... Maybe a bit closer. Just a bit.

Yeah, so back to that DREADED day!!

We had PT(Physical Training) classes. Those were the days man! Those were the days! No matter how much Physical Training we do/don't do right now, those were the days man! Those were the days!

So this PT teacher comes up to teach us how to run around and stuff, how to use starting- blocks, without actually using starting blocks...because we didn't have any starting blocks. It was more like a dry run...

Right now, for some reason, I remember this quote from this movie called 'School of Rock'. It goes like "Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym(PT in this case)".

So this PT teacher told us to get into that 'Get' position in the Get-Set-Go chain of positions. So we were in this knelt down position on one knee, with both our arms under our shoulders and stuff... then he shouted 'Set!'. And all of us pointed our arse skywards.... and then he shouted (okay, he didn't shout 'Tomato' or something) 'Go!!'. The only thing I remember is my rear leg slipping and my body coming down with a thud....

and dust all around me and all those puny arses wiggling in front of me a few feet away, moving away from me with every passing moment.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the ladies(or whatever you call them when they are 12, girls I suppose..) were standing behind the guys to check who would be the fastest among the fellows, and here I was, living a nightmare in broad daylight.

Here's the list of troubles...

a. I wasn't the fastest in class.

b. But I was faster than most.

c. I could hear the females giggling behind my arse

d. If I had started running even 4 seconds after I had slipped, I wouldn't have come last.

e. I still could hear the girls giggle...

f. I still could have started off...made a bigger arse of myself nevertheless, come somewhere near    last, still could have had the satisfaction for having tried, despite failing.

g. I didn't even try to run.

h. I could still hear the girls laughing and giggling behind my arse.

i. Now, even my dress was dirty!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More than turning into a loser, being mocked by the girls, getting my clothes dirty or any of the host of things that could make me feel miserable, I felt pathetic for not getting up from where I fell, and running my heart out. That looks like a scene from a parallel universe, where on that particular day, I ran, beat about 50% of the crowd, and became a hit among the girls. Okay, being a hit among the girls looks like the central theme of this whole episode I guess. But why not?

But what came to be in reality, looks like the title of a very highly acclaimed movie. I'll tell you how. Although what I am about to do is simply going to screw up my chances of being a hit among girls. So any ways, here goes.

Girls= Chicks.

Chicks= Birds

The girls were mocking me. And I was feeling to kill the girls for mocking me.

So what I was basically wanting to do was 'To Kill the Mocking Bird(s)'....

And now, I am SO dead. More importantly....

Surprisingly enough, there's a message I'd like to leave with this episode. Try. Do anything, any how, but just try, except in the case someone challenges you to drop his/her iPhone. Don't try here. Just drop it!

A tale

We had a fallout. Then we stopped talking. We would run into each other... rather, I'd time myself hoping to cross her path, succeeded a few times, failed more so often. When I succeeded, I was met with blank expressions. I'd like to quote a very close friend of mine. He said, "The opposite of love isn't hatred. It's indifference." I was momentarily taken aback by the correctness of his statement, although what my friend uttered, referred to a very different scenario.
Something very unnerving about psychology is the fact that you never....evvvver get to know what the person you think about, is thinking, specialllly if the person is a lady. Maybe that sentence needs to be read again. One exception in my case is this friend of mine, whom I just quoted. Our thoughts come out like photocopies!

So she and I don't talk, or...maybe she doesn't hear what I say. Although I say a lot of things in my head, only sometimes do these things come out in a form, that the human ear finds decipherable. Hmmm.... I kind of see the problem here.

I was at this place to run a few errands. Suddenly, she turns up, obviously with some things of her own to do. For the first moment, I didn't really understand what exactly was happening. There was this sudden jolt-ish feeling I got in my belly, then felt my ticker exploding every second, right through my chest, my ears felt hot... usual stuff that happens when you see 'YOUR ONE'. But somehow, a few moments pass and I kept to myself, continuing to do what I'd come for hopefully not betraying the things going on inside me out into the public.
Having noticed her fully after the initial hiccups, I tried to get her to acknowledge my presence. Not with some usual "Hi!" or something. Okay, I didn't do a lot except for stealing a few glances...okay, maybe not glances, but definitely not stares!! Something in the middle of the two. Whatever I did.....no acknowledgement, what so ever! Not that she owed me one, or something.
Anyways, I didn't take too long to finish off with my things. I left, trying my best not to look at her.
After I left the place, I walked on for a few paces.  What I did notice is that for some very deliberate reason, my steps were unusually slow, given that I walk pretty fast, at least in my own head. I knew what was troubling me. I just didn't want to think it aloud. The place where I was coming from, she was the only girl around. Besides, while I was getting my work done, I did not like the way one of the buggers in that place had looked at her the whole time. I actually thought it was rather stupid of her to come to this place all alone, definitely not doubting her ability to protect herself...maybe I was a bit doubtful. Also, maybe, I was feeling unnecessarily overprotective. Maybe, I was also feeling like a complete arsehole for leaving her behind alone. I just didn't want her to think that I was taking undue advantage of the situation to talk to her. So I walked back, ran back honestly, and waited near the building, just to ensure that she left the place fine. It was actually a few moments before I saw her walking out that I heaved a sigh of relief. But you know those moments of anxiety, and how long they seem. I was just happy to see her out of that place, despite not getting a chance to talk to her. I did not follow her after that though.
I definitely don't know if she saw me near the building. Most probably, I don't think she did. Well, if she did, I am afraid, she'd think that I was stalking her. What a predicament! Okay, no fancy words... What a Pain-in-the-arse!!!! I'm just happy, it isn't PILES!

How thoroughly I enjoy maintaining the anonymity of my lady!   Although, I'd rather hope for a happier ending to the post instead!!

After college??

Goodness! This is like the most ubiquitous question I have come across in recent times. But I have to thank the question, for it has given me something to write about at a time when I was scraping the tank bottoms of my head for a topic.

I was talking to a very close friend of mine when the question popped up...literally from thin air. Why is there ever such a situation where what you look forward to, is probably having coffee ,maybe sometime later....and suddenly, you get interrogated about your future plans? Not my friend's fault for sure. Frankly speaking, the question scares a lot of things out of me, apart from the obvious. NOT A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE, mind you!

I get crazy ideas about my future. At least a few. Actually a few too many.

Okay, suppose there is some XYZ that I intend to have as my job description, this is usually the response I get from the people whom I tell what I want to do.

People in general: "So what do you plan to do after college?"

Me: "I want to do XYZ."

People in general: "Oh! Yeah, XYZ sounds good. But what are you going to do earn a living??"

If you have seen this movie called 'Good Luck Chuck' (What the .... AHEM!!), there is this scene where Jessica Alba (Oh!! So now you're going to  watch the movie..huh??) says to the hero when he asks what her job is.. that she is supposed to be a Penguin Caretaker. The guy goes like "Okay, Seriously, what do you do for a living?"

Hmm... There is another classic question. This one is although for the 'corporate interviewers', it's a pretty nasty question.

"Where do you see yourself in a matter of 5 years?"

If I evvver get called for an interview....iffff.....evvvver.... now you see the probability.... So if I do get this mystical call, my response would look something like this....

"सर जी! Answer तोह मुझे पता है, पर मैं  नहीं बताऊंगा!"(Hey dude, I know the answer, but I won't tell you!)

Now you know why I won't get called in the first place. You see, these companies can see 4 years into the future. They want someone who can show them the future beyond the future they can see. Why not recruit fortune tellers? So they definitely saw me typing this(whoever 'they' are) and that small chance I had of getting called went out of the window about 4 minutes ago. Great!

Besides, the idea of getting 'selected' for something lost it's charm in my head. Yeah, it sounds like the 'grapes-too-high,must-be-sour' theory, but it might be that kick in the backside that might just send you sky-rocketing your way into finding/doing what you love doing the most.

See? A frustrating question actually made me write this much. I'm almost looking forward to the right kick. Not the 'Between-the-legs' kind... Definitely not..

No! No! Noooooooooo!!! AAAWW!! Mummaaaayyyyyy!!!

Airplanes

All of us know what Orville and Wilbur did. They leaped into the air. And it has been ...err...what? About 110 years since they left behind a legacy that enabled humanity to take flight into our skies and beyond.

I see the kid in dad every time an aircraft passes overhead. For about 8 years, we stayed very close to the airport. But for some reason, he never gets bored of a take-off, or a landing. He never misses it. Dadaji(Dad's Dad) was in the Air-force. Probably that's why.

The first thing my Dad taught me was to draw a car.  I have a feeling that he taught me to draw cars before addition. Hence my obsession for heaven on 4 wheels. But I want to tell you about something else. My first...and probably my only venture into the world of origami. Dad could make paper fly. He taught me to do the same. Just a few folds here and there...and we had, what was called a paper plane. Fancy! At least to a 3 year old. Maybe even to a 21 year old...

Yeah, making paper planes in the 3rd year of your Undergraduate program. Sounds silly. Is silly!  But each time your piece of folded paper lingers in flight, gliding it's way through air, every second my heart feels like a 3 year old. This is obviously apart from the fact that I feel, think and probably behave(not sure about this one) like a 3 year old.

Specially when a friend and you,both have made a plane each, and your's last longer/goes farther in flight, WOW!!! YESSS!!!!!! I might actually start jumping around!! Okay...maybe I won't jump around....

I even have a theory about the whole process of making a paper plane. It might sound a bit too obvious... but maintain symmetry. And how, after giving the world that piece of advice, I feel like an equivalent of the Wright brothers in every 'wright'. Yeah, just then, this dude knocks the door of my head. He's come to deliver a message, he says. When I ask him what's the message, He tells me, "Shut up!" Huh?? I ask him, why he's mad at me.  He says...."Err... Sir, No, I'm not mad at you..SHUT UP...That's your message."

I was like "Oh!..."

By the way, I forgot to mention how miserable I feel when my fierce competitor, who so ever it may be, has his plane going farther than mine. 

I can hear the knock on my door again. 

"I'm not opening this time!!!! Sucker!!!!"

Yeah!!! How we make fancy folds on the plane's wings, trying to make it more 'AERODYNAMIC', and how....somehow, the air takes the wind out of our theories of aerodynamics! You're laughing?(Hope so...) Okay, then you don't have a wind-tunnel at home....which is usually a good thing. At least, in that case, you wouldn't make fun of people making paper planes.

Right now, there's this song 'Airplanes', bu Hayley Williams. Brilliant song by the way! The lyrics go like..

If we could pretend that 

Airplanes in the night skies're like shooting stars,

I could use a wish right now....

I am not wishing for anything in particular, except for the usual things...I even got bored of wishing for them now, but who wouldn't care for a few granted wishes? From where I'm writing this, even if there's a shooting star falling, I wouldn't see any.... Clouds, I tell you. Hey wait! I could wish these clouds away... Maybe my paper planes come in handy!