The 'Maths' problem

My best ideas, or what I think are my best ideas, are the ones that pop up right before the date of an exam. For instance, I have an exam tomorrow morning, and I just came up with a brilliant idea of what I should write for the college magazine right now, while talking to my father. I am sure, that if I were in the toilet, taking a dump, while simultaneously talking to my father, the idea that you would have read, would have been much better than the one you are about to read. But never the less.....

Now, if you belong to a typical educated Indian household, there will be a few peculiarities that are common to most of us. Specially if you consider the order of importance of subjects we have in the school curriculum. Let's start from the top. The first subject that should ideally come to mind is... wait for it... wait for it... MATHEMATICS! If this wasn't the subject that came first to your mind, you.... probably sucked at studies in school. And mind you, those aren't my words. All Indian parents share that sentiment at some or the other level. 

If you go down a little further in the order of subjects of lesser importance, you will realize that the remaining subjects have virtually no relevance. So if the subjects were to be listed in order of importance, the list would look something like this.

1) Mathematics

2) Doesn't matter what subject

3) Doesn't matter what subject

4) Doesn't matter what subject

5) Doesn't matter what subject

6) Doesn't matter what subject

Now this is considering there are six subjects in your school curriculum. If the subjects vary according to location, feel free to 'do the math!'.

I am in the final year of graduation. So companies are swamping into my college(well, not exactly, but moving on) for campus recruitment. Here's a deal. There is a company that turned up. Their tagline went like this... "Do the math". And I was like *Facepalm*. That's how deeply rooted our unending obsession with Mathematics is. The only subject that can rival Mathematics in terms of favoritism is the Sciences. That too, I'm not too sure about Biology. Let's bash subjects one-by-one.

Starting with English- If you're good at it, all well and good. Apart from South-Bombay, that is all that remains of the British rule in India. Statistically, we are the second largest English speaking population. But then again, given our population, we shouldn't exactly be glorifying ourselves. A mere 10 percent of our population would outnumber that of many, many countries.

Coming back to the subject 'English', if you're brilliant at it and just above average at other subjects(read Mathematics), parents are going to be worried about you. 

"What are you going to do? You want to graduate in Arts? Beta(kid), you won't even jet a job that pays you Rs.10000 per month!"- Mother/ Father/ Some nut-relative

Now, let's turn to Social Studies, (infamously SST)- If you are good at it....

"Marks बड़े अच्छे लाए हो बेटा । Percentage बढ़ जाएगा तुम्हारा। पर काम के लिए क्या करने का इरादा है?" (Oh! Your score looks good in SST, kiddo! It will boost your overall percentage. But seriously, what are your plans as far as jobs are concerned?) And you go like *Facepalm*.

I shall not delve into other subjects, as things go from bad to worse. But just imagine, in case you are good at something like drawing/ music or creative stuff, the only caveat being that the remaining subjects look like alien languages to you, let alone Mathematics.... Oops! 

"I'm going nowhere! Somebody help me! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Stayin' alive!"

In my experience, neighbors have had rivalries  over the Math scores of their kids. Many a times, one of the mothers was mine. "बेटा , Maths में कितने नंबर आए ? ओह ! इतने कम कैसे आये, बेटा ? मेरे गोलू/मोलू /गांडू के तोह 100  में से 100  आये हैं। तुम जब चाहो तोह यहां आकर गोलू/मोलू/गांडू  के साथ पढ़ सकते हो, ठीक है?"

(Hey kid! How much did you get in Maths? Oh! So less? My son Golu/Molu*or-whatever-the-piece-of-shit's-name-is* got 100 on 100. You know what? Feel free to come over anytime you feel like studying Mathematics with my son.). And all this happens before your mother.

*Exit Neighbor*. 

*Your house door closes behind your back.*

 And somebody(Mom, usually) is giving you 'THE' look. And IN YOU MIND,.......YOU SAY.... Uh Oh. I'm so fucking DEAD! *Gulp*

"Mom, I'll study more next time"

I have absolutely nothing against Mathematics. Personally, I love Math.(**Many conditions apply!)

And honestly, I have had my share of screw-ups with the subject. So despite that I am not at all bad at the subject, I am not exactly the ace my parents think I am. But that's how things are in case you go to college far from home. The parents are perpetually under the impression that their kid is accomplishing a big deal, when in reality, "Meh!". Let's leave it at that. 

Here's how my conversation with my parents went today morning...

Mom: "You're all good, right, son?"

I: "Yeah, mom! I'm amazing. You tell."

Mom: "Nothing much. You study well. You're regular with your CAT(the stuff that gets you the IIMs if you work your pants off, just in case you're wondering) mathematics, right?"

I: "Yeah, mom! All going fine."(I probably didn't sound that convincing.)

And she was talking with the 'loudspeaker' mode 'On'.... My dad was sitting next to her!!!!

Mom: "You don't have Mathematics in your college curriculum anymore, no? Didn't you clear your backlog in Mathematics last semester?"

I:"No, mom. Yes mom."(WTF, mom??!!!)

My father was hearing all throughout. Suddenly I heard him say to her "He doesn't like Mathematics, or what??!"

You know the times when someone asks a question in such a threatening tone that the question sounds more rhetorical than worth answering? And you just nod/answer in a way that you can get out of your present predicament alive? This was going to be that situation.

*Somebody's gonna get hurt real bad*

Mom: "Okay, here you go. Talk to pappa."

And like that, Shit just hit the fan.

Dad: "Hey kid. What are you up to this fine morning??"

I: "Nothing, pappa. Just reading the newspaper. I'm going to study after that."

These are times you don't realize that you are going to be writing about this conversation for the next hour.

Dad: "All right, son. I'm driving. So, you do your Math properly. And yeah, take care."

I: "Okay, pappa. I'll call you in the evening." 

*Click*. Phew! I'm still alive! That calls for a toast! With omelette on top of it! 

I just remembered that I have an exam to prepare for, for tomorrow. How many hours do I have till the exam? I don't know. You do the Math!