I learned a few lessons today, lessons that I should have learned 3000 years ago. But the mind is perverse, the heart more so. And in a bid to retain my learnings for today, I bring them to you in this heart-felt piece of writing.
Beware of the ugly friend. Yeah, I love this one particularly. If you're a chap, and you like this female, please note this down. Especially if the woman in question has this demonic, frightening-looking and well, let's be kind, ugly friend, you need to do one thing. Pray that this friend gets run over by a truck-sized rat that has fangs for teeth and likes putting its butt-hole on the faces of people it runs over. Yeah, that sounds like fun. The only trouble is that petting such a rat will take some effort, since it, quite obviously won't fit into a hamster-cage. Also, just in case you're successful, the female you're trying to crazily woo, will cry like crazy. The craziness is most likely to spread like wild fire, and then everybody will end up in a mental asylum. What you'll have as a result is a lot of people who fear ugly friends of the girls they like, and a bigger lot of people who will now, get scared by rats of any and all sizes. So yeah, beware of the girl's friend.
For starters, silence is golden. So is the flesh of a ripe jackfruit and mango. As is honey, especially when it shall run down the skin of this gorgeous creation I know. Mind you, gold is golden too, unless it's been reduced to microscopic particles and then made to float in water. It then surprisingly turns blue or something.
As for silence, it's kind of a remedy to just about everything, as much as the noisy world suggests otherwise. Bad day? Chuck the company of people who mollycoddle the situation, making you feel worse about your predicament in the process. Made a blunder? Keep mum! The interrogator will get tired eventually :P (or you'll die getting tortured).
I'm yet to figure out what to do when you are debilitated at the sight of your crush. So someone help. Maybe you should shout out whatever you have in mind, right in the middle of the road. You might just discover that you will never require a megaphone in your life, just as I did. But then again, that, I'm sure, is not the best advise on the subject. And so, moving on.
Beware of the ugly friend. Yeah, I love this one particularly. If you're a chap, and you like this female, please note this down. Especially if the woman in question has this demonic, frightening-looking and well, let's be kind, ugly friend, you need to do one thing. Pray that this friend gets run over by a truck-sized rat that has fangs for teeth and likes putting its butt-hole on the faces of people it runs over. Yeah, that sounds like fun. The only trouble is that petting such a rat will take some effort, since it, quite obviously won't fit into a hamster-cage. Also, just in case you're successful, the female you're trying to crazily woo, will cry like crazy. The craziness is most likely to spread like wild fire, and then everybody will end up in a mental asylum. What you'll have as a result is a lot of people who fear ugly friends of the girls they like, and a bigger lot of people who will now, get scared by rats of any and all sizes. So yeah, beware of the girl's friend.
On a more serious note, I saw a sight over half a year ago that stunned me to no end. It still continues to stun me everyday. I thought the pangs that the sight induces somewhere in the chest will go away one day, maybe in a few days, a week, a fortnight, a month, a few months. But sadly, the pangs never went away. It may sound a bit sadistic, but the throbbing heart circulates that extra ounce of warm blood that feels a bit like downing a good shot of brandy on a cold winter night. Just that in this case, instead of putting you to sleep, this brand of brandy acts like a double can of Redbull. Which means you feel like doing push-ups all the time. Good for the pecs, I tell you. Bad if you're too sweaty. And since this too is a place where I'm a little stuck to say the least, HELP!!!!!
All that of course brings me to superhero movies, deodorants and chocolates. Actually, no, it doesn't. But anyway, has anyone been watching TV lately? Or is it just me? You get deodorants that fool you into thinking that spraying them around your pits and butts will make you smell like Iron Man, or that spandex-clad looney who runs around with a round shield and a star sticking out of his bum. Oh yeah, Donald Trump! Crap, he's the chap with the hair like a parrot. Chuck that.
Why was the Maruti Baleno advertised during Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice? Did Maruti think that buyers can be duped into mistaking the Baleno for the Batmobile, and their own selves for the Batman? I have to say though, the Baleno actually looks pretty sexy. Smooth, slightly voluptuous, just how most beautiful things are and should be.
However, Cadbury's involvement with Batman vs Superman is still open to debate. It seems Dairymilk, the chocolate, now comes with Batman and Superman images embossed on it.... In 3-fucking-D!!! Even the chocolate wrapper has Batman's face, and half of Ben Affleck's on it. Wow! Basically, if you eat them, you're supposed to be endowed with Batman's and Superman's abilities. Magical, ain't it? What all companies do to cash in on a movie that virtually bombed.
Lesson from this? Bonkers ad-ideas work, I suppose. Children will want everything with Batman on it. So will 24-year olds, as will 2000 year-olds. Also if you think that you'll smell like Iron Man or Captain Stupid by spraying the latest set of Axe deodorants, it's probably safe to assume that you're an Appam Chutiya. For those of you who don't know what that means, you're going to be very happy in life.
No comments:
Post a Comment