Butt-cracking jokes

I look outside the window and see the clouds that are going to soon turn into rain. But for now, Mumbai is left standing for a downpour. Yes, there are a few Mumbai folks who have managed to click photos of a few instances where the clouds have pissed around for fun. But the city looks somewhat parched.

Rains... I remember, my last proper date, it happened in Kerala, just as the rains were starting out. My left hand and myself, ahahahaha.....we danced and waltzed and all. Ahem! What? It was this lovely woman, who put her trust in yours truly, and remained happily ever after for the next one month or so. Then everything burst into flames and I-remain-petrified-of-women-ever-after and things of that nature until recently. But lets not get into the recent events, for the sake of peacekeeping, for you see, if I were a bird, I'd happily choose to be a dove or something. A dove with a sexy arse, guns for wings, the head of a fire-breathing dragon and a fart so powerful that it would help me attain the speed of light on the day I consumed legumes!!

One second. How did things go from rains to farts? Anyway, since I mentioned the dove's arse, now I'll talk about butt-cracks. Butt-cracks are cleavages that are hilarious. They are your ticket to happiness in an age where breasts have been placed on a pedestal. More importantly, butt-cracks are cleavages that don't look good neither when blatantly put on display, or when subtly exposed. Especially not so when someone bends over and unsuspectingly displays their Grand Canyon. That even happened to Jeremy Clarkson, the ex-Topgear and now "whatever" host. Now you know how closely people watched TopGear. Let me not tell you which car review it happened during.

 A noteworthy observation about butt-cracks here. You see, those who have good, round, rumpy buttocks, are less likely to be embarrassed by the sight of their crack-at-the-back than those who don't have the(or have very small)  gluteus-maximus(the muscle in the bum). That's because the bum, if shapely, will keep your pants in place. So even if you are out of shape, but your derriere is nice and round, don't bother when you bend over. Just to be safe, WEAR A FUCKING BELT FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! That especially holds true of your arse is droopy or absent altogether. But if you're ballsy(or butt-crackey) enough, screw the belt and....

To end on an even lighter note, here's a joke. A sardaar kid was up to no good at school, and as a result, some teacher of his gave him a good spanking. I know, horny teacher, she must have been into that kind of a thing. After the spanking, the disheartened(why?) mini-sardaar took his aching bums and went to the bathroom to 'assess' the extent of the damage. He looked his bum in the mirror and exclaimed.... "साली ने इतना मारा  की पिछवाड़े के दो टुकड़े कर दिये।" Translation: The bitch spanked me so bad, my arse's been split in two!