Volume down please

This is life as I know it, a constant tussle to keep ambient noises where they belong - right fucking outside. The crass shouts began the day I was born, or perhaps even before that. It hasn't stopped till date, and has only exchanged voices. The creators came first, then TV happened, some acquaintances followed, the mind too grew loud and unpleasant. Arnab Goswami and gang, a few bewilderingly noisy fellow faces, some more ear-splittingly cacophonic ones later (these are the ones who you wouldn't want to acknowledge even), I wish just one thing in earnest. Someone, please turn the bloody volume down!

Ever seen Iron Man 2, the movie in which Iron Man and War Machine fight the villain together? In the final battle, the two leads are with their back against each other, defending an impending attack by a swarm of Stark's bots gone rogue.
In this scene, Rhodey (War Machine) says "This is the kill box. It's where you go to die".
Pssst... here's the clip.

Ha, where were we? Kill box, yes. So, wherever you are, home, work, railway stations, marriages, traffic jams, temples, heck, Mount Everest, there's always going to be a gang of people blasting their lungs out at each other, and yes, you're going to be stuck in the crossfire. Needless to say, the shouting ensued in a bid to prove who's got the puniest cock. Holy mother of donkeys, you should see how ladies fight. Same reasons I suppose.
Maybe, just maybe, we should all hide a joint in our chaddis. That way, every time an argument breaks, we light ours, take a few drags, and chill the fuck out. Malana cream anyone? Idukki Gold is long dead, last I checked. But if you know someone selling the strain, my number is 8454043983. Call me. Call me even if you're just lighting a joint, the regular variety will do just fine.

Even better, shut your undoubtedly dispensible trap. Okay, this way, fewer folks will get to experience the miracles of pot, but who gives? Think of it. If mankind is this loud and becoming moreso, we are so doomed. Or maybe it's just some of us subdued ones, because honestly, noise is positively debilitating. Of course, the rest thrive, rolick even, in the mayhem. How I envy them.

My systems shut down when I hear loud voices. Well, actually they don't; some go into overdrive. Like, the fists turn into metal stampers, the breath becomes shallower, eyes pop out of rage, jaws clench and the imagination takes great pleasures in decapitating the source of agony. Thoughts, precious thoughts, how they alleviate ever so slightly the pains of the heart. But that's when Monty Python movies come to the rescue.

Because no matter how mad you are, you feel like a giggle when you hear "Biggus Dickus".