If you have a big, fat, balding, unhealthy, funny AMERICAN man for a role model, there's something inherently wrong with your life. Besides, if you get epiphanies about women while watching this role model of yours perform in shows you illegally downloaded, we will soon need something like a 912 to call for an emergency psychiatrist. The fat funny guy, who has become my latest role model is Louis C.K. He's a stand-up comedian. He talks funny.
If you are a guy, I implore you to read no further. Because if you do, I am going to get beaten up sometime real soon, by a lot of guys. So I am in Damage-Control mode ring now. Hence I once again implore you to read no further. Now, having averted the threat to my life, I'd like to type some sense into this post.
If there's a guy who is more than 2 years old, then he devotes a very BIG chunk of his life to thinking about women. It might be about the girl he saw on the street, on a TV show, a magazine, it could be a girl he has a crush on in class, or it might be the girl who he is in a relationship with, or at least HE thinks he's in a relationship with. What he might be thinking about, in most cases is stuff I cannot reveal to anyone due to my sworn promise to manhood. Fine, there's nothing called a sworn promise to manhood.
So in case the guy is not thinking about clearing his pipes, he's probably thinking about figuring out a way to communicate with the lady he is dying to talk to in some way or the other. It could be as simple as he wanting to tell a woman that she's on his thoughts. Or it could be he wanting to appreciate something he observed about a lady that he genuinely appreciates, and hence wants to tell her about his observation about her, just in case that would make the woman a little happier. This, for a change, could absolutely without any expectations of Return on Investment. Here, the investment is BALLS. The trouble is, most fellows remove their pair each time they step out of their home. And when they step out, they just become oblivious to their natural instincts. And hence, more than 99 percent of thoughts inside guys never comes out in public because they forgot their balls at home. That really sucks.
Let's talk about something else. How about the 5 senses? Touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing. I don't know about the ladies, but guys are a lot more outward when it comes to sensuality. We are visual creatures. This of course comes out in society in the form of ogling, specially when we let the wrong set of balls loose. But no one really cares about a guy's sensitivity to the other four senses. Maybe the sense of touch has been noticed to a good extent. But we as a society leave the hearing, tasting, and our olfactory faculties to the 'ladies' department, I guess. Or maybe I say that because I am specially gifted with a very acute sense of smell and sound. Taste, well.... I'll leave the description to that for some other day.
If anyone's seen the movie called "Scent of a woman", great! If you haven't, then what are you waiting for? The last 2 hours of your life? The movie specifically brought a paradigm change in the way I look and feel about women. I wanted to write a complete post titled "Scent of a woman". But the contents of that post are strictly "A" rated. And hence, here's a shorter version.
If your woman smells good, OH MY GOODNESS!! A lot of things go straight out of the window. Firstly your brain, and then, everything else! It is like the biggest turn-on in which ever way you possibly want to think of it. And it is not about the perfume she wears. trust me. There are very few perfumes that blend properly with your sweat to give a pleasant odor. If the perfume is wrong, the smell of the perfume simply overpowers the odor from the pheromones in your sweat. And in the process, you end up smelling something very synthetic. I know, it's too technical. But raise the level of your intellect. It'll be handy someday. I SO shouldn't have said that...
Okay, coming back to senses. Now, sounds. I specifically have a thing for sounds. I usually recognize people more by the sound of their voice mote than anything else. And when it comes to ladies, I can't onto hold myself, the second I hear a strong, but feminine voice. Allow me to explain. Our society has virtually stereotyped the "woman" in general. We want a nice little obedient agreeable creature. This is despite all the Feminists going around and trying to propagate the idea of equality among the sexes. It's all a sham. Truth is... Most men are scared-as-shit of women. This is all the more true about chaps who don't make a move, and still say things like "Oh, women are so hard to understand!"
Let me not get carried away here. About the way a woman sounds, a 2 word answer would be Shubha Mudgal. That woman's voice is probably the personification of strength!
It is a treat to hear a deep voluminous voice coming out of a lady. No, you do not want a lady who sounds like Amitabh Bachhan, but I hope to have conveyed my point. Having said that, a lady's voice is best when she's just woken up, or the occasion when she's completely at peace with herself. And if there's silence all around, your mind just gets blown away after hearing her voice.
All of what I said and wrote above may/may not be my imagination. You'll surely never get to know what it is, either way.
Another thing I discovered about men is our incessant need to name and say things. Three worded phrases come out a lot more easily out of us than we care to admit. This stems from our ability to quantify things. No wonder guys score more in the Quantitative section of aptitude tests. Now, I just took things too far.
This post was supposed to be about guys. But most of the rant in here turned out about women, And I guess that is always how it is going to be. So, as a MORAL OF THE STORY type of an ending, I have 2 things to say, one to each one of the sexes.
For the ladies, "Keep doing your thing..."
For it is not like all of you are going to read this post and do something I tell you to. Well, if all the ladies do read this post and decide to do exactly what I tell them to do, then... Crap! I should have mentioned exactly what it is that I wanted the ladies to do!! Meh, chuck it!
To the guys out there, "Don't keep doing your thing! Go talk to the lady you felt like talking to!! And if ladies aren't your thing, and you're gay, it's fine! Go talk to the guy you wanted to talk to! Else, you'll never know if the guy was gay!"
Here's the thing about writing. You have all the liberty to tell things to the world. And you know for a fact that most people out there in most cases, won't have the balls to do what they read about anyway. So you get to spread knowledge without seriously denting your prospects of getting cock-blocked by some chap who actually was dumb enough to take your advice.
And now, I'm going to get beaten up.