Bye, sexy!

Let's start with a random sentence.

It's better to have a newbie who has plans to reinvent the wheel, than to have someone who's already gone through the motions.

That line came to me while I was taking a dump. Amazing place, the commode is. And now, in these moments, I fight to keep my sanity intact. For I know it won't b long before a part of me leaves my one-mile radius. Is it a sense of loss I'm feeling? It probably is. But the part of me that's leaving now, is not something that was a part of me from the very beginning. I can't believe that this part of me began to exist just a little less than four years ago. And how I knew it would end up being a part of who I am, and shall be. A thing about sentimentality here. It always sounds stupid as hell when you look back at times when you got a bit too carried away by your emotional self. To the point that one almost always denies to oneself of  having ever been so emotional at any given time in his/her history. Does that even make sense?

My eyes feel droopy. It feels like I cried all day yesterday. But then again, I didn't. Well, I almost did, but then I didn't. I still don't understand what causes an emotion to be so hellishly overpowering. It starts like a seed in the ground. It sprouts. It grows. it grows, it grows, and it grows  a little more. But you manage to avoid it without it becoming too much of a hassle. Then one day, you come back home, and you're looking at the elephant in the room, and you think... "What the hell just happened here?"

It grows to the extent that it has become you. The problem being that it, this emotional entity, is not going to stop at the barriers of your skin. It wants to grow. Like a black hole. Sucking everything in its vicinity into itself. So now, you know that your own skin can't hold onto itself for long. You finally understand that you need to let go of what ever it is that you are so hopelessly trying to contain, or rather, hold onto. That's when the second part of your troubles comes to light. How the hell do you bloody well let go? Another question.  Should you let go? If so, why? Now let's add to the confusion. Why should you not let go? Why not allow yourself to be all consumed by what is trying to engulf you?

Woah! Woah! Woah! Wait! Now I get it! It's a trap! If you give in, you're trapped for ever! And we shall, for as long as we last, be drawn by the temptation to give in to that which is tantalizing. Specially because what is on offer is so appealing to the sense. Somewhere at the back of your mind, you know for a fact that once you give in, you're not going to get a THING of what's on offer. It is surprising how still there are so many of us who happily give in. Now, why do we give in? Why do we feel that we can be bought by a bunch of fake promises? It's like putting a price tag on our heads. That again, is because we haven't seen the part of us that cannot be bought, that which doesn't have a price, that which is beyond inside, outside, above, below, ahead and behind. Don't know if it strikes anyone, but we all have a part of us that is so out worldly. It doesn't belong to realm that we live in. Strangely, it's just that very few of us happen to have the fortune to have seen this part of oneself. 

One more thing. I jut realized that the words now, own, and won are three words made using the same three alphabets, and that all the three words have a meaning. Why did I say that?

To the part of me that shall leave me today afternoon. probably for ever, I tell it to go away. Never come back. Because for the moments that part of me was mine, it unknowingly became mine for eternity.