Judgment day

I begin to wonder how much one can judge. Can one judge the action of anther for everything he/she does? If so, how much bearing does your judgment have on the one being judged? Should it have any bearing on the person in question? Or will the story of this particular person in question simply turn into a treat for gossip mongers?

Why is it not that we leave someone's actions to their own choice? Not like any of our opinions are going to make a real  big deal to the person's world, if one looks at the larger scheme of things, unless of course the person in focus is extremely sensitive to popular opinion of themselves. But then again, if push comes to shove, we know for a fact that our fears of what "They think" is just a mirage in all eight directions, keeping us trapped within our own confines. 

A thing about epiphanies... They come to each one of us, with some of us getting a bit/lot more than out fair share. What's strange is the range of epiphanies that hit us. It could be absolutely revelatory, even path breaking. It could be the purest form of truth known to one. It could be a sense of true liberation upon realization of an obvious fact, that was once, perhaps staring one in the face for goodness knows how long. 

An epiphany could put someone at peace with oneself. An epiphany could also turn one immensely horny! More on that some other time.

What is surprising is how sometimes it becomes a little difficult to not judge, in all honesty. To the extent that even a little amounts of self introspection sometimes, makes you judgmental about yourself, as strange as that might sound. Those little quirks, short strains of madness, uncontrollable bursts of emotions, sometimes, too much of all of them together. It all makes you question your sanity. Then you look at the face in the mirror, and wonder, why the hell are you the way you are. And could you be any other way than this?

There's a little about courage here too. Judgment stems from our inability to take things at face value. For a lot many of us, including myself of course, we're too tied up in making sense and adding our own interpretations to whatever happens around us. We just can't let things be. Courage comes into picture here because that's what's required to let go of all the post event processing. 

Courage also comes in handy when it comes to facing the truth. As Bertrand Russel says, 

Be scrupulously truthful, even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it.

 A lot many times, we lie to ourselves, for the reasons why we desire, want something. Although this has little to do with being judgmental, knowing the deep down stripped out unadulterated version of one's own truths perhaps helps us see those of another's with clarity. And yet, we attach superficial illusions to the rawest of our temptations, to make them appear more noble. Sadly, no one ever tells anybody that we all would much rather prefer plain truth, than wade through the labyrinthine stories that we like to weave around our intentions. 

Trouble being that once we make it our habit to churn stories after stories, everyone gets taken aback when we decide to drop our masks. It's not part of the plan, you see?

I'll leave an example of this out of my personal experience.

It's been about three years since I've had an urge to make love to this one woman. the kind of love making that would leave the woman convulsing in pleasure. For one, she is beautiful as hell. Second, nothing had turned me on more than this creation that I had the fortune of running into. Now, here's the deal. i didn't know how to deal with my sexuality. And so, like most men of today, I draped my want to have this woman in the cloak of "Love". BIG mistake. Actually, a bunch of BIG mistakes. They being that I didn't understand myself. Then, I lied to myself. Thirdly, I lied to this woman.
More so, when I did muster the courage to tell the truth, all the courage came of no use, as the reality seemed hard to grasp hold of, specially when love and lies had become such an intricate part of the plot. 

Love... How little we understand about it. To the point that I feel like a hypocrite even speaking about my lack of understanding for this elusive phenomenon.  

I can only wonder how different things would have been had I not decided to place my intentions, rather their end result on a pedestal. Lies are just not worth the convenience they promise. For when later, when you look at ourself, escaping your own judgmental gaze simply becomes unbearable.