Sometimes you just keep staring at a blinking cursor, wondering as to why you decided to start writing. The proverbial "Staring at blank sheet of paper" has come down to that. That feels like getting stuck solving a Sudoku puzzle, or for that matter, getting stuck in a traffic jam. Maybe it is the feeling you get when you're stuck in general. A pointless limbo, inching towards you every moment relentlessly. Suddenly, you look up. The signal turns green, and you finally heave a sigh of relief, thinking everything from thereon will go happily ever after. Just like a fairy tail. Just then, a bugger in a big SUV, darkened windows an all, cuts your line. A fit of rage runs down your spine. So does a wave of helplessness. You are sitting in a dinky car, as compared to the SUV chap. And then you think to yourself....
"Does a bigger, bulkier car mean that its driver has a bigger dick than a chap sitting in a hatchback?"
Somewhere, your mind gets infested by the thought that the guy in the big car is compensating for his puny penis by bossing around on the road in an SUV. Now this thought feels amusing to you. And it also quells your anger a little. So, you make a joke out of the whole situation, and carry on with the way things were going. By now, sadly, the lights have turned red again. This is even before you got to move a whole of 200 meters. Now, where was I?
For the past month, I've been writing about cars for a living. At least technically. Yes, and so, every thought of mine, is either about cars, or about sex. I also think about movies. But that is mostly because of the hot female in the move. So that too counts as sex-thoughts. I'm just surprised how candid I feel in front of a cursor. Okay, whatever. My dad wants to buy a car. It's been a while, about over a year that he's been thinking about this. And mine is a typical upper-ish middle class family. The sort of families stuck between ambitions of rising up, and pressures of maintaining current states of well-being. Even our problems are typical upper-ish middle-class in nature. You want people to see you the biggest car you can technically afford, but the thought of fuel bills give you the chills. Specially my father. He's from Delhi. And folks from Delhi want one thing more than everything else. "BADDI GADDI." Even the thoughts of driving a hatchbacks give them elf-esteem, if not existential issues. Why? I dont know, honestly.
The last two cars my dad's bought, are completely my doings. Specially given my love for automobiles. Both the cars have been sedans. My dad has lived with both the cars comfortably, and I am pretty sure that I'll be choosing cars for him for a long time to come. There's only one problem. He's stuck on purchasing a Honda City. The new one. He thinks it is a smart looking car. I abhor the way it looks. A few words on the Honda City....
This car came into India as a beacon of Japanese perfection. Beautifully put together, clean design, an amazing engine under the bonnet. A sexy car, in three words.It stayed that way a matter of about 4-5 years. Then a new model of the City came, and ruined everything. It looked like a bloody mouse. That stayed for another 3-4 years. The fellows at Honda fixed the design in parts, but you can't kiss a mouse ant turn it into a prince. That happens only to frogs! So, the Honda boffins redid the City from ground-up, and finally, came up with something at least half as decent as the original City that came to India first. Had my dad bought this car any of its face-lifts, I would have bowed down his choice, and worshiped his taste in cars. But he did not buy this car. He still did have a soft corner for "Honda City". But he never bought the car. meanwhile, the monkeys at Honda were working on the next Honda City already. And before anyone knew what had happened, we were confronted with the new Honda City, the latest one on offer. id I tell you how hideous I find it?
The next trouble being that this car is selling numbers! Like crazy! Every Tom, Dick, and Harry seems to be driving the new City. Somehow, I feel that if there is something that everyone has, it's not worth having. An ad commercial for the Honda City, specially the new one, would sound like this...
The Honda City... For the corporate white-collar jockeys.... It has just enough going for it to keep it from looking boring. It's the cheapest (proper)three-box Honda you can get your hands on(The Honda Amaze is Honda's version of an Indian joke.). And it will never make you stand out while you drive, no matter how much you think it will! So rush to your nearest Honda dealership, and buy the new City! You get a placebo shot of self-esteem absolutely FREE!!!
(To be imagined being said in a very Baritone voice...)
The car has no character! The City is to cars what IPhone is to phones. The 4 and the 4S, even the 5 looked good. And then, Apple made the 6 flexible.
Suzuki cars look fine. They shout "BOURGEOIS" in a very understated manner.
Fords shout "Look at me".
Hyundais shout "Forget Fords, look at ME!! I come with a lot of features too!"
Volkswagens... They don't shout. They very suavely exude "I am German. I am sexy! And also beyond your intellectual level of comprehension."
Skoda: "I am Volkswagen's misunderstood brother."
Tata: "Well, that's all they say... or that's what everyone else tells them... Tata!"
Chevrolet... Woah, they tell us how bad Americans are at making cars, despite all their bragging.
Then, we have Nissan and Renault. These two are too incestuous to stay in the same market, at least here in India.
Who's left? Fiat? The one car the Italians got right for India was the Premier Padmini. They were headed in the right direction with the Punto, the Giorgetto Giugiaro design and all. And then, Godfather must have intervened, made them an offer the Fiat chaps couldn't refuse. So they had some form of a tie-up with Tata. And we all know what happened to Tata.
So much just because the Honda City is too banal. If you want to choose a car, choose a Polo GT. There's a car with a lot of character. Choose a Suzuki Ciaz, if a 3-box/sedan is your thing. The car actually does a decent job at being a looker. Sticking with the sedan theme, pick a Vento. Even better, pick a Skoda Rapid, essentially a Vento disguised for those who can't palate pure German simplicity! Choose the EcoSport! Yes, it's a faux-SUV sort of a car, but it manages to look bigger than its dimension. If you happen to be smart to do away with what "others" think about your car-choice, stick to hatchbacks. Smaller size, smaller fuel bills, easier parking, and most of them are pretty fun to drive as well! And nowadays, they come brimmed to their gills with big-car features. So you don't need to bother about the size of your prick while driving one of these, provided you have half a brain. Need I say more?
Or go, buy a Honda City.
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