Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Never mind the bollocks

Goodness, where are the Sex Pistols? If hurtling around a racetrack at 240 kilometers per hour is the only time you remember being one with yourself in the last two months, then there's something wrong. Although I cannot pinpoint exactly what's gone awry, but there's some loose nut somewhere. If this is followed by a morning where you randomly wake up, and manage to do a hundred push-ups without breaking a sweat, well almost, then you are superman. Batman's still cooler, though. Follow this with a five-star lunch and a big-ass smile from the cute female, and what you have is UNBELIEVABLE. Random streams of thoughts aside, a few observations here...

Firstly, this world is waiting to give exactly what we ask of it. At the same time, the world is also waiting for a chance to suck the life out of us, and all it needs is  for us to give it a chance at that.
More importantly, the day your railway pass expires, which happens to be the same day that you forgot to renew your monthly ticket, is the day when the ticket checker will step into the compartment you happen to travel in. How convenient! Since I knew this would happen, I renewed my ticket on the morning that it expired. And the ticket checker did not come. That was last month. Today, exactly a month later, my pass expired. I forgot to renew my ticket. And the rest is history. So are my 200 bucks. That sucks.

A little about 'Aunties' now. I mean why not? How different are aunties to season tickets? Knock knock! That was a rhetorical question, and quite a useless one at that. But yeah, as nosy as they are, aunties are a lot cooler than what they are credited for. Unless, unless, unless, they happen to get into the same rickshaw/taxi as you. Here's what happens usually. You're peacefully sitting in the taxi/rickshaw. This slightly older, aunty-type woman comes around looking for a ride to some place, and is utterly disappointed to find you already sitting in the ride she thought was rightfully hers, and hers only. Sadly, it was not. What she thinks, you can make out from her countenances, The slight frown, or scowl, whatever you wish to call it; her incessant search for an empty ride (which is not going to come any time soon), and of course, her apprehension as she finally, and hesitantly steps into the vehicle that you're already occupying. Even the way the woman half-sits next to a young chap is a sure-shot indicator of the fact that she considers the fellow a rapist.
"Oh my god! I'm a woman, and this young bloke sitting next to me, as sexy as he is, is vermin!" Aunty, Aunty! You drive me crazy.

I doubt I should elaborate on this topic any further.
Meanwhile, something called graduation just drove by like a Tesla Model S, or more like a silent fart. To officially graduate, we have a ceremony called the convocation, which is basically a huge parade of juveniles wearing an unnecessarily square cap and a black gown, who walk up to a stage to collect a sheet of paper, which is proof of your three/four years of utter joblessness, quite literally. Do you know why convocations happen about half a year after you write your last exams? Neither do I. But this is one event in life where for the first time, you can think straight when you're stoned. Besides, not all convocation speeches are anywhere nearly as cool as the one Steve Jobs gave at Stanford. This is all the more so true if you happen to belong to one of the best colleges in the country. Here, they just bore you with more pointless statistics about things that were as important to you as the chewing gum you stuck under the teacher's desk in class 9. So yes, the convocation speech, more often than not is a stoner movie with very bad SFX, and a protagonist who is yet to come out of his mother's womb, or worse, is trying to get back inside. Now that makes things more gory, you see? So sit back, relax and enjoy the high. It won't last the entire length of the ugly speech anyway. 

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