What if?

It was late in the evening by the time I got out of work. It's been this way for a while, but stepping out of the office felt like I was inside for eternity. I strolled out of the building's compound, wondering about a myraid of things, all of which felt indecipherable.

I looked to the right, then to the left, and then again to the right. Road crossing, you know. Road crossing in India. You never know the side from which a monster-truck shall come at you and smash itself to smithereens against your palms. Anyway, I crossed the road. Well, almost.

I could see her, I thought. 8.45 in the evening, and she was loitering near my office. With a guy. I blinked four thousand times, just to make sure that what I was seeing was what I was seeing. She had her back to me. I wouldn't describe this woman that I was so shocked to see. Too many snooping wolves around. And I feel a little vulnerable at times. Bollocks!

This woman, the one I think about a lot, wouldn't come across as striking at first. Thankfully. But there's something very endearing about her. It's probably the way she moves. No jerks. Everything feels fluid. The way she keeps fixing her hair, her nervous ticks. Even the glances she clandestinely throws. Maybe I'm imagining the last bit. Maybe I'm not. And her derriere! Poof!!

Such thoughts are unhealthy when crossing the road, I'm sure you realise that. And then, I saw her with this chap. For a moment, I was shattered. Yeah, shattered. That's something I've picked up from my workplace. Anything good that happens, is shattering. Someone gets beaten up? Shattering. Someone about to get beaten up.... Shattering. Someone went and took a shit yesterday..... Shat-tering. Well, literally. Can't you just sock these chaps right in the cunt?

Moving on. I couldn't grasp what I was seeing. And I still hadn't reached the other side of the road. Damn slow-motion! I mean, the open hair looked right, the  tapering waist was nearly there, the hind-side and thighs looked the same, okay, a bit smaller than usual(I wondered why). But the face remained hidden, for some goodness forsaken reason. The lady has a spring and a healthy pace to her walk. The one I saw across the road, I couldn't see her walk. My head said yes. My madly thumping ticker said NO. The head then raised an ugly question.

"What if?" The mind's a bastard.

Bloody hell, it felt like a dream, where you never get to see what's on the other side of the wall, no matter how much you peer over.

For a moment, maybe for a quanta, I thought to myself.... "Does the chap at least look okay?" I of course dispelled the thought the very moment it struck me. I mean how?

Then, IDEA! I just walked faster to get ahead of the woman, just to see her face.  I was so sure it was her. Rarely do I not recognize people with a mere cursory glance. Anxious few moments passed. I got ahead of her, looked for the familiar face. It wasn't her. My anxiety quelled.

Honestly, after seeing that the lady in front was not her, I suddenly had the energy to go through the entire day another four times without batting an eyelid. I feel bonkers at times. For a lot of things. I don't know why she smiled when I told her that I felt bonkers every time I saw her. Should I have told her that? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows.