Bad words

As kids, most of us had groups we officially or unofficially belonged to. We still officially or unofficially belong to some or the other group. And if you remember correctly, there always used to be at least one 'bad apple' in the group we belonged to. This one chap was the guy who had a little-to-early an exposure to puberty, adulthood, and basically to all the stuff we associated to being grown up, when we were supposed to be kids, like alcohol, cigarettes, porn, curse words and the likes. I don't know how it goes for ladies, but this bad-apple-guy in the group usually had an elder one at home, generally a brother. 

So, this fellow would walk with a little extra swag, speak fancy stuff the rest of the group had no idea about. His small dip into the world of adults would leave us all fascinated by a completely new world that we would inevitably immerse ourselves into.

Somewhere along the line, we all hear the word "Fuck". This is like a milestone in every kid's life, absolutely irrespective of your background. Barring the word "Shit", the so called "F" word is the second coolest thing that is going to exist till the time we shall live. Or at least that's what we think at the time when we hear the word for the first time. It is like all the things that are forbidden. You use it sparingly(initially), until a time, where everyone knows the word, it's meaning, it's usage as all seven figures of speech, and even it's etymology.

Between the time you go from the word's meaning to its etymology, another friend of yours says something like "Your father fucked your mom.". And believe me, that's the worst day of your life, for the time that you have existed on this planet. Your already puny existence feels like it has been completely annihilated. And trust me, I'm laughing as I type this. You have never been more offended by anything this badly. But more than a decade after the incident, when you think back at what that stupid friend said to you, you thank everything in the universe for the greatest truth the idiot told you. Come on! I love my parents. I just don't like the way parents tell their kids how the kids popped into the world. A fairy came in through the balcony and left the kid in a basket? Seriously?

My mom never told me that thankfully. That's because I never asked her dumb questions.I turned out to be a precocious little tyrant when it came to matters that intrigued me. 

But if you happen to ask stupid questions to your parents, questions like "How did I come into the world", please try and understand your parent's predicament. Firstly, it is  "That Awkward moment" for them, as they cannot exactly tell you that people have sex to produce babies, specially when the word SEX itself makes them cringe because of it being a taboo in most societies that happen to call themselves civilized. This is more-so a problem if you happen to be born before the Facebook era, where your parents can't make a meme out of their "That Awkward moment" and post it online to at least get likes from a few fellow parents who share their predicament on a common group named "First, we fucked. Now, we're fucked!"

Secondly, your parents get to know how stupid you are, because you ask stupid questions. So they give you sarcastic answers that involve fairies and angels. Then you, as kids buy the idea they are selling you. And so, they have a little private joke that allows them to laugh a little, all thanks to you! Or rather thanks to your stupidity. Who believes that angels have anything to do with your existence here? Unless you're on psychedelics?

What sparked the thought of this post was a Stand-up performance I went to watch yesterday. It was the Pretentious Movie review duo, the handsome chap, and the IITian, who turned up at IIM Kozhikode yesterday evening. The IITian chap turned out to be a B.Tech graduate in Biotechnology. The moment he said that, I secretly gave him a Hi-5 in my head. I was just happy that SOMEONE in the field of biotechnology was doing something worthwhile, or at least having the proverbial, and in this guys case, literal last laugh. Any way, moving on...

Here's the deal. Before the IITian chap started his Stand-up act, he asked the audience, whether they wanted a clean act, or a dirty act. "Dirty act" was the unanimous outcry. No one heard the professors in the audience. Unfortunately for the professors, they had brought their wives..... AND KIDS along to watch two retards telling jokes. 

Dear profs

Bad call!

They fellows started doing their dirty acts. Now, if you don't know what a dirty stand-up act is, it is basically where the comedians go to the toilet, take a dump, and a piss, rub all the dump and piss on themselves, come back to the stage, perform their gig, and leave.

The professors were really upset. I have no idea why. The entire crowd had a ball of a time! Even the professors' kids had a ball. Each of them! No, literally! They were playing with their balls, running around, making all their baby noises. Completely aloof to the fact that there are people sitting around them to watch two stand up comedians perform. It was like an Under-5(age limit) cricket T-20 match going on in the middle of a stand-up performance.

But then here's the deal. If you are parents, your life basically sucks. I know that for a fact because I destroyed the peace of mind of 2 souls for as long as I can remember, and continue to keep their peace of mind destroyed with every moment of my existence. Not that I regret any bit of it, but, Just saying....So these kids were doing their  KIDDIE thing. We, the audience were laughing our pants off. A few of the ladies were wearing short skirts, so they couldn't laugh their pants off, and the two performers were using curse words like they usually would in front of a crowd. But somewhere, the DECENCY gene in the mind of a few professors got expressed. Basically, they thought something in the lines of...

"My goodness! What am I exposing my kids to? What will they learn after hearing these curse words? What if they use these curse words while talking to their future bosses? What will happen if my kids blurt out these words in front of my parents? What sort of an impression will I give to my parents, colleagues, and all the other unimportant people in my life, about my parenting skills, if my kids blurt out these hideous words in front of them?"

Thinking of all this, the  professors slowly started evacuating the auditorium with their wife and kids. The kids had no clue of what was happening, in the first place. They weren't facing a profound existential angst, wondering about what the two folks on stage were doing. They didn't give a shit! They must have left the auditorium, gone to their respective homes, and fallen to sleep within a matter of 5 minutes, like nothing happened. But the professors, NO, NO, NO, NO! They had to sit and think how every word that the two chaps on the stage uttered, would fill the tender minds of their kids with filth. 

Come on! The kids are going to know about all the holy and unholy things there are on the planet, regardless of you preventing/not preventing their exposure to the realities of life....curse words! Forget the kids growing up to use curse words in front of their hideous looking bosses. Chances are that they will pick up more curse words from their bosses, only to then use the same words against him. 

Why preach all the "Chastity of the Tongue" nonsense?

Just because your kid doesn't use foul language at home, it does not prove that he/she doesn't know what a dick means. That is a fact, as much as the parents want to delude themselves with the idea of things being otherwise. And actually, does it even matter if a kid uses foul language? Fine, agreed that not abusing might go to show how clean your upbringing, and well cultured the household you belong to, are. But all of that goes straight out of the window, the moment most of us step out of the confines of our homes, class rooms, or offices. So, quoting the Joker, 

"Why so serious?"

 So, to the professors, I say, "Folks! Chill! Your kids will/won't turn miserable despite you trying as hard as you can. And please, I saw your wives enjoying each and every joke that was being performed. So stop taking teir enjoyment from them because of your misplaced sense of self-righteousness towards your tiny tots."

I have a feeling that I made too many grammatical mistakes because of being carried away by my feelings. So please pinpoint any if you come across them.