Down the rooftop

Ever been on the terrace of a high-rise building? If yes, then have you ever looked down from the top to see the world below? In most likelihood, the answer to the second question would too be a resounding "Yes".

Now, for the third question.... Ever wanted to jump off the terrace? Or rather, let me put it a little differently. Ever felt a part of you badly wanting to jump off the terrace, while the other part of you cringed, held on tightly onto the railing that kept you from making the leap? I am pretty sure that I ain't the first one on this planet to have thoughts of making that leap, and then wondering if such thoughts are even normal. What I do know for a fact is that there will be a few people celebrating the very thought of me jumping off a tall building. They have my condolences.
This feeling of wanting to jump off a tall building has been troublesomely floating in my mind for a while. I did a bit of googling about whether this feeling is something usual. But I shall chuck all that I read, specially as none of it sounded very fantastic. Although there was one line that I read, which stuck to my mind, as I couldn't completely comprehend its meaning. It went like this...

"The feeling to jump off a high place stems from a desire to live, and not a wish to commit suicide."

My personal interpretation to the whole feeling of wanting to jump off a high place is slightly different, and also a little wide in context, or so I think.
Keep in mind the cringing feeling you have at the very thought of jumping off.  The one that eventually draws you away from the edge of the terrace.
It is that feeling that you impose on yourself, that which makes you question your sanity, which keeps you from giving into your impulse of leaping off.
It is like this. If you know for a fact that there is a high likelihood of you giving into something that looks tantalizing, there happens to be some sort of inhibitory mechanism that prevents you from giving into preliminary temptation.
So much so that you will end up staying away from anything that shall even closely remind you of the pleasure that you intrinsically seek by engaging in an apparently dangerous act.
For example, take the case of alcohol consumption. Ever since when we were young, we have been told to abstain from alcohol. So many a times, it may happen that one may develop a fear for alcohol, more so a fear of giving into temptation of consuming alcohol, specially if it is forbidden in one's religion, because we are all "God fearing" men and women.
And hence, we keep away from the company of friends who drink, as we are fundamentally convinced that our drinking friends will wean us of our resolve that we have so dearly sworn to.
I can extend the "jumping off the roof" idea into another facet of life. That of falling for someone. The dichotomy here is that both cases, those of leaping off a high place, and allowing yourself to fall for someone involves the act of falling.
If you know for a fact that you will eventually fall for someone, it sounds rather surprising when you do everything in your will to keep yourself from falling for the person you know you are going to fall for. It feels like a part of you wanting to make the fall happen, while the other half of you grabbing the safety railing tighter with every moment.
It feels like a fight with Moriarty at the Reichenbach Falls. You might fall any moment. Or is it that you're already falling? It becomes increasingly difficult for the mind to decide as to what it is doing. Is it fighting a slippery grip, trying to hold on to the edge of a cliff? Or is it relieved to feel the free fall into the abyss?

THE END?