It was exactly how the teddy with a pony tail(TWiP) had described it would be. That long endless road, trees on either side, the evening sun showering hues of orange and yellow onto the grand entrance of what has become home now.And oh, it was beautiful.
But the stuff I did, or rather why I did what I did, remains a big question in my head. I TWiP right in front of me, going down the same road I was supposed to take. For some reason, I felt it wouldn't be right to do the stuff I usually do. It just didn't feel right. Thanks to a decent peripheral vision, I could see this gorgeous creature walking in all her glory. And in all probability, she must have seen me. And yet, we stayed on opposite sides of th road. It's like the banks of a river. They go side by side throughout the length of the river, from the river's inception, until the river merges with the sea. Then the banks go opposite ways.
It almost sounds pointless for the two banks having stayed next to each other for so long, specially when everyone, who so ever everyone is, knew that they had to part in the end. Part they do. But trace the river all the way back, and notice that the banks are still by each other's side. And that's the beauty of it all. The river is everlasting. Were the banks not to hold their ground, the river would spill all its waters into the surroundings. Disaster!!!
We did walk side by side, for a while. That is before I decided to walk my normal pace and got ahead. This time, I couldn't get myself to look behind. I don't know why. I could have seen a smile. Or I could have seen indifference. Or I could have seen something that my mental faculties are as of yet incapable of conceiving. Yes, a part of me acknowledges a debilitating urge to go back in time and turn around, and see what my opportunity cost was. But then, another part of me wants to let go. Let go of things that I have no control over. Wow! I wonder if any of this makes an ounce of sense.
I cannot go further into describing the sight that was right in front of me, for at that time, I was lost in my own contemplations. TWiP.... What a lousy acronym to describe the person I'm talking about. She must have changed her place for her evening snacks for a reason. The reason only known to her. The reason that I can only speculate over. The reason that the person reading this, in most cases, will have no clue about.
The night before.....
I was doing my thing, bending my mind over things that a big chunk of humanity has no clue about. That was when I got a call from one of the two chaps whom I'm going to tell you about. "Da, chuck whatever it is you are doing, and come over. FAST." I hated his stern tone, the voice on the other end of the phone. I was under the impression that it was something related to work.. Some design work for an event my friends and I are planning to organize. I'd done a chunk of running around for the event that afternoon. To myself, I thought... "Goodness, these two can't do a thing by themselves! How will we pull the event off if this goes on, specially when the deadline for the event is staring us in the face??"
I walked to the room of the chap who'd called me. The two folks, whom I have probably come to know most in my life about, and I, we've hung around for a matter of roughly 4 years. One of them, he's big, burly, and crazy as hell. The second fellow, he's the sanest one among us three. And then, there's me. No descriptions here. These two fellows make me feel like I belong to a mental asylum. Actually, there are very few people who don't make me feel that way about myself, but more about that some other time. But the two chaps I talk about now, they're probably the foundation of my college life.
So I reached this fellow's room, the one who sounded all stern on the phone, thinking that these fellows are going to have some modus operandi about taking the preparations for the above mentioned event forward. Suddenly, someone switched off the lights. For some reason, I felt like my life was going to flash in front of me, and that I was about to die.
The lights came back. I wasn't dead. But these two arseholes pointed toward a pink box. It looked a lot like a package with a cake inside it. Okay, it was a package with a cake inside it. It had my name on it, in pink, albeit. And it also had a guitar drawn on it. Also in pink. But..... Okay, I'm going to break down writing this. Shit!
The idiots went all the way to the city, 25 kilometers away, just to buy me a birthday cake. Bastards! I'll never be able to tell these two fellows, or for that matter, anyone how I felt about everything that was happening.
I have a hunch that I have a very low score on the "Likability" front. That might me the most accurate hunch that I'll ever have in my life. Or maybe not. Anyway, these two chaps have stuck around, had by back on more than one occasion. And I have been an arsehole to them on a fair share of occasions.
All I remember from the night before are a few lines...
"Do you even have any other friends?"
"I can't believe I went all the way to the city just for this idiot."
"Happy birthday, you bitch! That cake's yours!"
"Damn! The ganache on this cake has dark chocolate in it!"
And what I write now, has stopped making sense to me.
Another thing! Is it that we do everything as a means to an end? Does everything that we do, have to have an end that needs to be met with? Can't you just do stuff for the heck of it? No end result, nothing to prove to anyone, no fighting, no quarreling, no hold ups, nothing held back, no worries about consequences, none of all that?
Why do we hold back? Why do we fight ourselves? Why do we deny ourselves what we want the most? And why do we lie to ourselves? What is to come out of all of this abstaining? Can't stuff be a bit simple? I'm sure things are all too simple. My mind must be all screwed up.
For the two idiots in my life, I wish I could sing this song...
For the remaining things I do, the way I do, and the clueless reasons why I do them, I'M GOING NOWHERE, SOMEBODY HELP ME!!
By the way, I'm sure that a normal life really sucks!
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