What are sour grapes?

There's something that remains just out of grasp. Out of grasp of comprehension, out of grasp of my hand. Somehow, it always slips off the tips of my fingers. After brushing my finger tips with what I pursue, just when I am convinced that I'm after sour grapes, a curve-ball is thrown at me, which demolishes my understanding of how things around me work. The curve-ball ain't some soft fluffy ball that swings a little in its trajectory. This is a wrecking ball that is out to obliterate the walls that enclose the little sanity left in the reserve. Just an ounce to keep from going "Full retard". 

Now that my perception of what grapes are, is completely non existent, what do I know about sour grapes? It's like a fresh start. Clean slate. Whatever you'd like to call it.

Sometimes, it seems like the most reasonable thing to do. Back off. It's easy. It's always been easy to not remain invested. No strings attached. 

"Lie low." 

"Don't make noise."

That's what we as a part of creation, have gotten used to telling ourselves and our thoughts. Yes. There may be things that COULD have been a lot different. That is if had one not backed out at the last moment. Just before a foot or two of digging before the gold. But you never know. Maybe the gold would never be found. So backing off seems a bit less painful than going all out, and not getting anything in the end. If you're lucky enough, the curve ball will throw itself at you right on time and your memory will be wiped clean, letting you dig deeper. How far will the gold hide?

Its like a kid's thought process. The kid knows no fear. So it happily goes about doing its thing. Then ruddy parents, grand parents, friends, peers and all the कयनती Qaynati(all encompassing) society breathes all its stupidity into the kid's head in the form of fear. Fear god. Fear elders, specially those who are as clueless, if not more clueless than you about how to go about life. Then when the dust settles, one's made to feel guilty about all the things that makes one happy. Bingo! You're part of the system that you cursed so long! And now, I'm going to go on a tangent.

The system. We as a society, are obsessed about the idea of something being perpetually wrong about the so called system. It's this imaginary creation of our imagination. A scapegoat, made just for us. Anything goes wrong, साला System ही खराब है | (The bloody system is wrong!) Little do we realize that the ones who say thing, are often times the cogs in the same system. 

We want freedom of speech. Someone goes about passing a remark about how they feel about something, and everyone makes all the hue and cry to sound intellectual. As I write this, I feel exactly like the ones who make all the hue and cry. Strange. Our hypocrisy. More so mine, for I can't talk for another one apart from myself. 

Besides all the pointless noise, when it comes to doing something, getting something done, there's no one. Everything has reduced itself to sharing, tagging and all the jargon associated to the web. Even the agony associated with this shift in our investment of energy is quite frankly pointless. What the hell am I saying? Anyone, any clue? The last thing I remember is that i was going to go off on a tangent. 

Clandestine glances: This is something I'm new to. Two people who feel the same thing, do this. Behind the pretense of ignorance, they steal glances at each other. Of them, one might be a bit more brazen about it, and the other may do the same thing from the corner of the eyes. But the thing that leaves me astounded is this. All of this happens to keep your immediate surroundings from reading your thoughts. Little do these two know that their surroundings are more than well aware of what transpires between the two of them. 

Shame: Such a useless concept. When are we to realize that it's all in the head? Not only that it is all in our own head, but that everyone outside ourselves knows that it is all in our won head, and they take full benefit of the fact that they know it is all in our head. Then it is just a matter of time before someone starts arm-twisting you by threatening you of revealing the cause of your shame. Might as well not be ashamed of whatever it is that you have in mind.

Yikes! What did I just say? Too preachy, I suppose. Either that, or I'm just professing my shamelessness. 

A class in which I sat today, the professor said something very striking. He was apparently petrified of approaching ladies during "his time". This is despite all his lofty ideas of ladies being more helpful than "man"-kind. Maybe true, Maybe not. His ideas about who's more helpful. That calls for another one of many pointless debates. Why does the word "Debate" sound so similar to the word "Masturbate"? Anyway, moving on.

All said, I was totally taken by the professor's honesty. The real reason behind his apprehensions to approach ladies was that his reasons to approach them did not align with his intentions of approaching them. I still wonder why we men make excuses to interact with gorgeous attractive looking women. I'm smitten by one such creature. Now, whether or not I make her mine, I want to die without the guilt of having approached her for any other reason apart form my attractions towards her. Even better if I could be ballsy enough to tell her the real reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing. Shit! I've already done that! Phew! I'll at least die peacefully.