Six-string woman

Imagine! Six strings, six adjustable hooks, to slacken and tighten the strings as and when required, few nails, or any small object, sharp or blunt, that's up to you, and a place to tie these things up... That's all you need to create the most  arousing of sounds. Kinky, Right?

As far as the small object, with which you shall pluck, scratch, or even finger, the blunter it is, the better it sounds. It's like how The Joker says

"Do you want to know why I use a knife? You see, guns are too quick. You can't savor all of the little...emotions."

The same vein, sharp things are far too fast, when it comes to getting the job done. They cut a tad bit too fast, and make a BLOODY mess out of things! Blunt things, on the other hand, they let you know the pain within. And if you hit the right spots, you could spare yourself all the bloodshed. 

As for the hooks and the strings, don't tighten the strings too much. You want them tied firm, taut. Just enough to create all the right sounds. Not so tight that the whole setup breaks down. It all should be enjoyable for both. You and the other one.

Now, before I get carried away, allow me to explicitly state that I shall be talking about Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism, otherwise known as BDSM, more recently a household term because of the book and movie "Fifty Shades of Grey". One second. Is "Grey" spelled "Grey" or "Gray"? 

For those of us who are still underage, you are requested to read no further, as the contents that shall follow, shall taint your thought process like nothing else. 

And for those who got deterred from reading the previous two lines, all I can say is... Pussies.. These are the people who grow into adults eventually. The bum kind. Oh goodness, if you ever as much as thought of existing, help these troubled souls! Deliver them from boredom!

Six strings of beauty. That's the only woman I'm "allowed" to bring into my room. She's curvy as hell, and that too at all the right places! And she's chosen to stay. Not that I left her many choices. She was a little low on juice off late. So here I was, to spruce her up a little. 

Changing strings on a guitar is one of the most therapeutic things one can do on a cloudy Sunday evening. No sarcasm here. And still, a big chunk of owners of this beautiful instrument trust her in the hands of another for the task. Another bunch of pussies, these folks, that need deliverance from their pussy-dom. The one thing that I cannot understand is my newfound obsession for the word "Pussy". More on that some other day. Now, back to the guitar.

Loosen the strings. The tuning pegs are there for a reason. The strings shall come right off, with a little persuasion at best. The bridge pins, the things that tether the string to the body, come off  with the help of a nail-cutter's removable blades. Use a knife like a lever to pull the bridge pins, if that makes anyone happy. Then, pull the old strings out, put in the beautiful new ones, press the bridge pins back in place, put the strings through the eye  of their respective tuning pegs. Tune the strings, a twist here, a twist there, and..... strum along happily ever after. Or until you need to change the strings. 

And so, you get your guitar a new set of strings. She's happy. You actually did the whole thing the old-school DIY way. With your own hands! So you're happy. That is unless of course you twisted the tuning peg on that thin E string, and in the process of acting cool, broke it. As long as you had a spare E string, It's cool. Else,  buddy, go back all the way in search of a new E string.

To those of you who do not play the guitar, to whom I've basically been a complete arsehole, or so my kind little heart believes, here's the deal. The image above shows how the thickness of the strings on the guitar changes. 

The 1st E string is a real bitch. It can snap any moment it thinks it should.

Specially the overenthusiastic DIY- wannabes, wanting to barge into the I-shall-change-the-strings-of-my-guitar-myself Club, usually overestimate the strength of that thin E string, tighten it too hard, and wallah! 

They're probably running right this moment to get a replacement for that bitchy "E" string. Trust me. I say this out of personal experience.

 "A broken "E" string is like a broken heart. Unless you have a spare one, it takes a while to fix."- Me

That's narcissistic me quoting myself. Moving on...

Now, if there's anyone out there who broke the "B" string, bloody hell! You're not over-enthusiastic, buddy. You're just plain stupid! I don't think anyone has broken the "G" string. That's because that's the "G" string! But I'm certain there are idiots on this planet who've successfully been there and done that too! You see, if Justin Beiber can own a Ferrari, anything is possible! Baybe, baybe, baybe. Ohhh!!! Okay. Lame!

Fix the guitar strings yourself! Because the chaps at the shop won't treat your darling like you do, even if you treat her like shit. Besides, you think the shop-folks know better? You never think that even they had their so called "First time at changing strings" in life?

"Life mein bahut Kuchh first time hota hai re!"- Munnabhai M.B.B.S.

 I'll give it that there's nothing orgasmic about changing strings on a guitar. But the whole process just gives  you time to understand your lady better. An irreplaceable sense of touch, if you may. And with just a little elbow grease, it's cleaned up, good as new, and your's for ever!