Numbing silence

This is the testimony of the explosion inside.

It feels like floating in space. And no, you cannot swim in space like you thought you could. In fact, you can barely control the way your body is moving about, limbs flailing. 

Shall I squeeze every drop of happiness from every unrequited wish and spread it out into the universe? Or do I build a fortress around myself and allow it to implode on itself?

I don't know about the next second, but

WHAT DO I THIS MOMENT TO QUELL THIS UNEASNESS?

All I hear is the sound of breathing. The sound growing louder. There's a rise in temperature. And eventually, it feels like sitting inside an inferno.

The closer I feel to getting what I think I want, the more it burns.

Each time I get closer is the first time I get closer. Each time. Every time.

What it is I want, I know not. Do I snatch, or shall I let go?

The sound of silence increases in volume, until it sounds like a screech pervading all of eternity.

It doesn't stop even when I stop it. I can't seem to find a switch.

There's a string, lost in its own desired, entangled in its own knots. And the tightness seems unbearable. The string says "Disentangle me!".

If I were a knock on the door, you are a stranded palace, hollowed out from all the raids history has witnessed. Question is, will you still open?

Yes, this is a dream, the mad restless silence, all of it. But it is real. Just as real as you can see it. Live this dream for real!

Return to the inferno. Hear the breathing growing louder with each heave, all over again.. Come closer to the fire, like a moth is drawn to a flame, for reasons unknown to it. And finally burn. Watch yourself burn from far away. Watch as everything gets reduced to ashes. You wouldn't know what got burned, nor when. You only see how beautiful the embers look. The orange glow, with spots of bright yellow. The whole thing eventually turns into deeper, darker shades of orange, with the gray ashes encroaching upon the orange with every passing moment, until the embers cease to glow. All that's left is a thin streak of smoke coming from the tip that was the last remnant of the blazing inferno.

Make sense of "this" if you can.