Coffee High

A long time ago, it is said that a shepherd went about herding his sheep some place. To his observation, each time the sheep came back from their grazing session, they became a bit hyper. It was like the sheep had had a shot or two of espresso. The villagers thought that the sheep were possessed by some spirit after visiting their place for grazing. So they went and checked the grazing area, and found nothing. Alas, they were left to deal with their profound existential angst!

One smartie, from among the villagers, had the brains to check sheep dung after they were done dumping their load. Either this chap was smart, or he was just used to eating shit. Whichever be the case, he observed seeds in the sheep-poop. Just to clear the shit off the seeds, he burnt all the collected sheep-poop. Woah! This chap must've been smart! After burning all the shit, the entire place smelled like freshly roasted coffee. Smelling the coffee, Howard Schlutz came from nowhere, and hence, came forth the first Starbucks outlet! The milk for the coffee shop, obviously came from the sheep.

That's obviously not how Starbucks started. But the discovery of coffee happened in some very similar manner as described above. The sheep were eating the berry inside which, the coffee bean is found. Strange that one of the most highly consumed beverage was found in shit.

Now I'm not jobless enough to go around discussing the history of coffee. Or maybe I am. But I shall let the past be. What I plan to tell you is some other stuff.

I am a coffee enthusiast. I wouldn't use the word connoisseur, partly because I'm not too sure that I know how to spell the word, and partly because my experience with coffee has not extended beyond Nescafe Classic, the CCD-type espressos, and very few varieties of roasted coffees. Considering that there are certification courses for becoming a Professional coffee taster, which I haven't taken,  I'll share my humble experiences with you, instead of boasting of my coffee conquests.

In the life of a coffee enthusiast, there are stages.

Stage Zero- TO start with, you aren't the biggest fan of machine-made coffee.

Stage One is in the beginning with the time when an ordinary cup of coffee is sufficient to stretch your nights by about 2-3 hours. And then, you grow out of it. Basically, then you need more coffee.

Stage two is when you chuck the milk out. In most cases, that helps increase coffee's potency. So no need of upping the nightly dose... At least for now.

Stage Three is when one cup of even black coffee won't hold you out for long.

Then instead of the dose, you play around with the strength of your coffee.

Stage Four- When someone introduces you to the word "espresso"

Stage Five- You get the balls to try the "Double espresso", and.... you don't sleep for the next two nights. In fact, if you're a fitness fanatic, you end up doing push-ups all night, because of  all the coffee in your bloodstream!

Stage Six- You drink coffee just for its taste. Basically, you've made enemies with sleep. 

New, there's another thing about the quantity of coffee you get to put inside yourself. The so-called Coffee-High has levels of its own. And they are as follows.

1 -The coffee just managed to wake you up from your semi slumber state.(One cup of normal coffee)

2 -The coffee you drank woke you up completely. You're satisfied with your wakefulness.(A strong cup of black coffee)

3 -After drinking your cuppa, you feel like you're up and ready to take on the world!(Typical after an espresso)

4 -You're all geared up, raring to run at the speed of light! Taking over the world seems a lot easier now, than in level 3. This normally happens after a double espresso.

5 -You can feel both, your carotid and femoral arteries beating the hell out of your neck and thigh respectively. Even Redbull's wings ain't making you this crazy!This is after a triple espresso. And in case you have a flight to catch after this, you're met with the fear of dying in the plane, because your blood pressure has gone straight through the roof.

6 -If you reached this level, MAN! You know you're in for some trouble. Now, for some reason, you want to sleep. But oops! You can't. So you wallow in your helplessness for a while, hoping that you will get tired and somehow, fall asleep. And you've also lost count of how much coffee you've put inside of yourself. 

7 - Like Jordan Belfort(Dicaprio) says in the movie "Wolf of Wallstreet", this stage is called the "Cerebral Palsy" stage. The Coffee-Buzz that was supposed to take you to Infinity and Beyond, is now making you sit in one place, mindlessly... that too leaving your mouth wide open! You feel like you're about to evolve into a hyper conscious creature. But one look at you through anyone outside of yourself, and you'll realize that you look Hyper-stupid, sitting the way you're sitting, specially with more coffee in you than blood. 

8 -Death- I haven't reached this stage, and wouldn't like to, anytime soon. But I read somewhere that about 20 cups of coffee should get you to stage 8.

Who would have thought that Coffee can kill?

Wow! What a waste of the Human ability to write(type)!
In case anyone plans on asking his/her partner out for coffee, please keep them from reading stuff like this about coffee.

I must really be out of my mind....