If you happen not to be a north-Indian, then the title of this post means "Screw-ups, absolutely free!". Maybe the title doesn't mean that verbatim, but I shall leave the shortcomings of translation for you, the intellectual reader, to rectify. And now that I am done with all the sarcasm that was left in me, I shall start with my today's agenda, which is... that I SUCK at giving exams. I suck so much at exams, that I sometimes feel like a vacuum cleaner. Okay, not a vacuum cleaner, but I'm sure that with that analogy, I've driven my point home. Whose home, I know not. But anyway, moving on.
Here's the problem. I go, give an exam. During the exam, I do all the acrobatics on my chair, that confirms everyone's doubts of I being a monkey. Not that I'm not, but I like to maintain some discretion about my true identity. Shit! I just revealed my true identity! Ah, screw it. Who reads this anyway? Ya, so I'm monkeying around during the entire examination. During the last 5-10 minutes, I just recheck if I've done all the questions I'd intended to. And I happily miss to check for a few questions that I, in all probability, would have missed while attempting the question paper. Yeah. I'm that careless. And I'm consistently careless. In fact, I'm so careless, that I care less that I'm careless. Wow! What was that last line?
Fine, so I carelessly monkey around during the examination, and happily step out of the exam hall, still unaware of my careless crimes, that cause my exam results to commit suicide. Die!!! Results, Die!!! I do realize that I'm turning a bit hysterical. And maybe that's an understatement.
"Madness, as you know, is a lot like gravity, all it takes is a little push." -The Joker
And there I am, quoting a line from Batman again. Coming back to I exiting the exam hall. I walk about a hundred yards. Something in the back of my head is already telling me of my impending realizations. I walk another 20 yards, and there's a red bulb blinking inside my head. Then, from nowhere, a bunch of chaps walk by me while discussing the question paper. And I walk with my chest held high, thinking
"Eh! Pussies! Discussing the question paper after the exam's over."
Little do I know that in another 20 yards, I'll hear of a question I never saw in my question paper. And then I say to myself....
"Shit! You screwed it up again!"
It happens each time I go to give an exam. It happens EVERY TIME that I go to give an exam. It is either missing some questions, or making the most stupidest possible mistake you can conceivably make. And then, you feel like it's not worth living anymore! Nah... It's always worth living some more. Exams? Who gives a shit?
"What's the use of being a genius, if your marks don't reflect your intellect? Huh??"
That's a standard line I hear from my mom every time she has a look at my mark sheet. Actually, that's not exactly what she says. Here's what she actually says.
"What's the use of thinking that you're a genius, if your marks don't reflect your intellect? Huh??"
See? The whole meaning of the sentence takes a U-turn. And my ego takes a bit of a hit. But irrespective of what my mom says, my reponse stays the same...
"Mom, I couldn't care lesser.
"मार्क्स-वार्क्स सब मोह-माया है!"(Marks-warks sab Moh-maya hai!- All this crap about marks is an illusion!)
You know what? All that brazen attitude is fine, specially as long as you can walk away with low grades into the next grade/semester. But now, the teacher whose subject paper I've screwed up, is the ruthless kind. Although I did learn a lot during his classes, he asked barely anything of what I grasped in class. Alas...
It is in times of desperation that you remember the girl who exited your life's stage. "Oooooh! Stupid child 'O' mine!". Please, don't click that link in the previous sentence! And it is also at such times, that you remember the blunders that you committed during interviews of companies that came to your campus. The worst part being that the moment I stepped out of the interview room, the correct answer popped up inside my head. So then, I feel happy that I was smart for being able to answer the question. I feel so happy that I forget the fact that I screwed up an interview just seconds ago. And when the results come out, and my name is not there in the list, I feel sad. But then, a voice inside me says...
"You were made for greater shit than being a cog in a corporation..."
And then I feel like this...
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