Piss off!

Life is not easy. I say this shamelessly despite having virtually walked on a bed of roses all  my life. Thank you  mummy! Thank you pappa! Wow. I just forgot that I'm 22. Never mind. To my parents, I still am the 4 year old tyrant, who's grown 1000 fold on the scale of TYRANNY, but strangely, has grown just a bit more than twice on the meter-scale. So now that I can rest assured of my ability to produce nonsensical strings of alphabets interspersed with spaces, I shall begin my rant for the day. 

Imagine this. You're sitting somewhere. In front of you, there's a girl, who's smell you can't resist. She's less than half an arm's length away, and you can touch her curly hair at any point of time you please, and doing so seems like the most exciting thing to do, given the circumstance, actually, given any circumstance. Now, think this.... This entire setup is in an examination hall. Amazing feeling. Right? Even while writing this, my chest deflated after writing the "Examination hall" part of the story. Crap! Why?

As though that's not enough. Since I was in an exam hall, I was sure that I had come here to write an exam, apart from all the tomfoolery that I had planned in mind. And the exam was an arduous 3 hour affair. Although I made it out in 2 hours, but that is an aspect of the story I intend to touch upon later, if not at all.

So the teacher handed me the question paper. The question paper was good. Nothing about the questions in the paper caught my attention, but for some reason, I sat and admired the quality of the paper that was used to print the question paper. Marvelous paper quality! So smooth! Even the edges were so sharp. I almost cut my hand(read Slit my wrist) while writing the examination. 

Well, I couldn't say a lot about the questions. They were just.......there. I stared at the question for almost half an hour. I was probably thinking that the answers to all the questions will come out printed on my answer sheet, just by me staring at the question paper. This went on for a while, and suddenly, I actually got a few of the answers on my answer sheet. No, They were not printed. Far from being printed, in fact. They looked like filthy scribblings. For a second, I thought why was it that I found the scribblings familiar. They looked so much like my own handwriting....

But then, the scribblings became more intermittent, with long pauses between intense sessions of scribbling. The fact that I was soon running out of questions to answer were the least of my problems, given that the questions that I could answer were a fraction of the questions in the question paper. The other thing I was battling with, was the aroma of the lady sitting RIGHT in front of me. I should have carried my nose-clips to the exam hall. This lady was doing her thing, writing the exam, bobbing about on her seat, playing with her hair, putting her hair on my table for more than half the time. And there I was, fighting my own little battles. I was just afraid of the worst thing that I guy would have to fight against, that too during an exam... For the first time in my LIFE, I prayed to "God knows WHAT", 

"Please! Please! Don't give me a boner. Not now! Please!"

 Someone heard my prayers. I guess it was the girl sitting to my left who heard my prayers. Which... is... by the way, not a good thing. I felt miserable. But I'm happy that my misery kept me from getting a boner. Ever had a boner in class? This is only for boys. Sorry, ladies! If you ladies were to get boners, we guys would have to RUN for life. Okay, bad joke. But to guys, we know for a FACT that getting a boner in the middle of a boring lecture is THE most frustrating thing that can happen. One second. Have I been ranting about boners for a while to long? Shit! Next topic. 

Fragrant lady in front...... CHECK

Shitty exam...................... CHECK

 Ah! The piss problem!!! That remains!

Here's the deal. In any given examination, there's always at least one creature in the exam hall who has to go through the ordeal of holding his/her urinary tract muscles tight, that too for long durations. It could be a teacher holding his/her pee, for there is no substitute invigilator who can substitute for him while he/she attends nature's call. It could be a student who forgot to pee before the examination, or who got a bit too enthusiastic about staying hydrated during the exam, and in the process, drank an extra glass or two of water. It could be anyone. But today, that anyone happened to be me. 

I was writing, looking out of the window, writing some more, then looking out of the window, and this kept happening. The smell of the lady in front was already spelling doomsday for my exam. Now, even nature began calling me. So many ladies, all at once? Wow! This day must be good. 

I went up to the invigilating teacher, and asked 

"Sir, may I go to the bathroom?"

 The fucker stood there, gaping at my face, as if I'd asked him to get himself castrated. Then he looked here and there. As if looking here and there would give him the answer to my question. So I repeated my question. He gave me the same blank look. His eyes gave me the look as though telling me...

"The person you're trying to reach is currently not inside his head. Please call again later."

  I repeated my question for the third time. The guy must have woken up from his deep sleep. And he said "No". After that, he murmured something that I'm sure even he, himself ,could not hear. So it was back to the answer paper for me. Now, I had the lady's smell, a ticking-bomb of a bladder, and least of all, the exam to handle, all at once. 

I managed to finish off as much of everything that I could make sense of. I'm not big on studies. So the amount of finishing off that's required from me is reduced there itself. Phew! That's the perk of not studying a lot. You can get out of the exam hall early to attend nature's call. Done!

What a relief!